Why Are Some People Afraid To Be Happy?

Welcome to the first issue of ‘Got Good Mental Health?’!

I’m so glad that you stopped by to visit and I look forward to spending some time with you every Saturday here at The PMS Club. This weekly column is for you the reader. It is a place where you can find the answers to those ‘burning’ questions you may have in a wide variety of areas. My hope is to cover a wide and diverse range of questions:

• from relationships to depression
• from parenting to anger management
• from finding treatment for addiction to how to find joy in the every day
• from identifying stress to learning how to relax

Got a question? Ask ‘Got Good Mental Health’. The possibilities are endless!

Recently I was asked the following question from a reader over at my personal blog, The Bipolar Diaries:

Why are some people afraid to be happy?

There are perhaps several answers to this question. Each based on individual experiences. For me, I was afraid to be happy because I just knew that if I ever let myself begin to enjoy anything it was a certainty that it would be taken from me. This fear, for me, stemmed from a variety of circumstances growing up and as a young adult. Some real, some imagined, some misunderstood depending upon which perspective I was viewing them from.

We are both a product of our environment and our genes. Which is why the answer to the question, ‘why are some people afraid to be happy’ varies from individual to individual. For me, being afraid to embrace happiness was an attempt to save myself from hurt and disappointment. If I didn’t permit myself to be happy, then I wouldn’t put myself at risk for being sad. A complex notion that left me stuck in the middle of feeling nothing. For someone else it might be akin to not wanting others to think that they are selfish so they opt to not pursue what makes them happy and instead focus on making those around them happy. Some people fear happiness because they fear contentment. It’s a sign of ‘giving up’ the climb up the ladder of success. Others may feel they just simply don’t deserve to be happy. Plain and simple.

I lived in that limbo of ‘non emotion’ for many years. I was an expert at responding appropriately to the events around me, but I never really felt ‘a part’ of anything. I allowed that fear to rob me of moments in time that will never be mine to claim again. How did I become unafraid? I haven’t. I am a work in progress at learning to respond to my environment from the heart of who I am and what I ‘feel’.I still have those days when I don’t think I deserve to be happy and the other shoe is certain to drop some time soon. I still have those days when I don’t trust. Myself or others. I just don’t dwell on it. I think about the worst that could happen for about a second,Then I begin to count my blessings. I trust that my blessings will always outweigh my fears. Is this as easy as I make it sound? Nope. But each time I get better and better at it. Each time I get more than a glimpse of ‘happiness’.

One actual tool that has helped me progress is being thankful. I realize that may sound trite and simplistic, however, for me simple is best. Every night before I go to bed I write in my ‘Gratitude Journal’. Life’s simple pleasures that I am grateful for. Just the other night I wrote “I am grateful for Pudgee’s Hotdogs”. Getting a Pudgee’s hotdog topped with coney sauce and slaw is just about as close to happiness as I will allow myself to get some days. But I savor it and write it down to remember it.

For me, I believe many of us fear happiness because we fear being sad. Yet without experiencing both, how are we to know one from the other?

Happiness is a relative concept for all of us. We are uniquely made. Therefore, we feel and experience life differently from anyone else. There may be similarities but we never completely experience life the same as another individual. By remembering this, I am able understand that my definition of happiness, the thing that I am afraid of from time to time, is not the same as yours.

We must all define our own happiness and dwell in it until we are soaked up in sunshine, so we have enough light to get us through the darkness.

I’m glad you joined me for the first post of ‘Got Good Mental Health?’. I hope that you enjoyed your visit and you come back next week, same time same place.

Don’t forget, if there is a question that you would like to have answered be sure to email me at dbeverlyhills@gmail.com. All questions will remain anonymous. All answers will be sprinkled with my perspective.